It seems to be that as soon as I am feeling content somewhere, my Father in Heaven says, "Good. Now I want you to try something new." From Utah to Columbus to Florida to Germany to Cyprus, these past five years have seen me living in more places I ever thought I would. And apparently it's time to move again.
Mr. F no longer has a job here and we find ourselves packing up and heading back to the motherland. I so desperately wish I could explain in whole what I am feeling about this. It is relief, heartbreak, sadness, stress, excitement, gratitude, and exhaustion. My head still hasn't wrapped itself around the idea that it's time to go and within a matter of weeks. This is our home. It is where I imagined us having our first child, where we are deeply connected to our church community. It's where we bought our first piece of furniture together and learned how to be a married couple. My heart physically hurts from the idea of leaving my home.
At the same time, we're going home. We'll be able to go to family weddings this summer and use the crib in my mom's attic for our future baby. It's the land of Target and the Salvation Army. There are jobs aplenty, if we look in the right places. And it's where we always wanted to end up.
Just not yet.
I couldn't sleep at all last night. At all. I watched Mr. F fall asleep then wandered out to our sofa and watched the night drift into dawn through the window. I grieved over the brevity of our time here. I love this island, I really do. But peace came and a deep sense and eventual knowledge that this is God's doing. Knowing that somehow makes this all easier. Knowing that He wants and needs us somewhere else reassures me that we will find another position and try to set up roots again. It assures me that our church community here will not be forsaken when we leave. And the steady knowledge that God is in control tells me that I have nothing to worry over, and for a chronic worrier, that is a blessing in and of itself.
So, we're leaving home to go home. Didn't see this one coming. I expect I'll be pretty scarce in the next few weeks as I scramble to pack, move, and buy as many baskets and as much pottery as our budget will allow before setting sail. Things are already set in motion and as the moments tick by, I am more eager to leave and begin the next phase of life...where ever that may be.