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Wednesday, September 14, 2011

slow learner

I'm a worry wort.  Okay, that's an understatement.  I'm the girl who sees change coming, bursts into tears and then climbs into bed for a couple of days thinking it will all go away.  My panic over Cyprus is beyond expression.  There are so very many things that are out of my control with this move. I  don't know when we'll be there, if visas will actually come through.  Moving our belongings is still a mystery.  Do we need to ship furniture or will we find a furnished place?  When can all of our family get together before we leave?  When are we leaving?! 

Yesterday was a good day.  Drink cocoa, go on walks, casually look online at housing and imagine what life on Cyprus would be like.

Today is the day I climbed back in bed and hid.  And cried. And ate my favorite cookies. I can't do this!  There isn't enough time!  There isn't enough information!  We're not even back in Florida yet!

 Serving as their wake-up call, I gave my parents a ring this afternoon.  My very groggy mum put my less groggy but barely lucid Nonny on the phone.  He and I had not spoken much since the decision was made to accept the offer.  Nonny asked some questions, a few of which I could answer, many I could not.  Even though he was barely awake, I could sense his excitement over this change and his repeated statement of "I'm so proud of you two" made me blush.

I shared my apprehensions, the lack of information I'm dealing with and the uneasy feeling it leaves in my stomach.  He yawned, and then said, "Act on faith, Boo Boo, not on fear."  I'm not acting on fear, dude, I'm just scared, okay? "Fear is the absence of faith.  Faith is the absence of fear." Derp.

Not long after, Mr. F called to say he had just gotten off the phone with people in Cyprus.  I was expecting this conversation to have answered all my questions.  It didn't and I fell apart.  Poor Mr. F... I started crying and asked him to call me later this afternoon.  I sent him emails over the next hour regaling him with questions I thought he should be able to answer.  He didn't answer any of them.  Instead he sent me this, a General Conference address by Quentin L. Cook when he was called to be an apostle.  As I began reading the thought came to me "I didn't ask you to be a member of the Twelve, just to move to Cyprus."  Derp.

In the opening paragraph, Elder Cook shares a memory from when he was called as a general authority and feeling inadequate.  Neal A. Maxwell told him then "that the most important qualification for all of us serving in the kingdom is to be comfortable in bearing witness of the divinity of the Savior."  I can do that, right?  That's not contingent on boxes being shipped or visas.  I can always do that...  A little later he quotes 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."  Act on faith, Boo Boo, not on fear.

My husband and father shared the same message with me in very different ways.   

Mr. F did answer one question for me.  I asked him how he was feeling about things after his conversation with Cyprus today.  "I feel calm and I am confident that things will work out how they need to."  Oh heavens, I love that man!


When are we getting to Cyprus? Dunno! 
What are we shipping over?  We'll figure that out when we need to.
Will our visas go through?   It's an international company, Engquist, they know what they are doing.
Do we have enough information?  We know what we're supposed to at this point.
Can I still testify of Christ? You betcha!
Can I move forward with faith?  Yes. 


2 comments:

  1. I felt that way when My Husband and I were moving with 4 little ones into the unknown. I got this calm voice saying trust in me and everything will be all right and work out and it did. we didn't even have a place to live until 3 days before we moved to where we are .

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  2. What a strong woman you are Bekka! Oh I am so happy for you and all the adventures that await. And we'll definitely be sending prayers your way.

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