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Friday, March 26, 2010

library delights

"Excuse me, do you have any books about animals?" The question came from a pair of sisters, neither of whom was taller than my waist.

"What kind of animals?"

"Any animals."

"Do you want picture books or are you wanting to learn about animals?"

"We want to learn about animals." le sigh.

"Follow me! I've got just the thing."

The sisters then followed me through the library until we sat on the floor together flipping through a book about dangerous animals. They were engrossed. I was positive a safari was never ever making it onto my to-do list.

"Guess what?" This came from the youngest, who had the most adorable buck teeth. Who knew buck teeth could be so cute?

"What?!" I really was excited to know what she had to tell me, and secretly hoping she wanted me to adopt her.

"There's a baby elephant at the zoo and it's birthday is tomorrow and it turns one."

And then they both told me about their experiences at the zoo, their cousin's pet snake, vicious cats, and I just sat there listening to the girls. I really did want to adopt them. Or at least play with them for the next couple of days. Dangerous animal books can be dangerously fun in the right hands.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

attack!

So remember that time I got an internship with the OSU Urban Arts Space? Then remember the time I didn't get into Ohio State? Well, the director of the UAS is a graduate of the program I'm still trying to get into.

And she's just as confused as the rest of us as to why I didn't get in.

That said, it's been the highlight of a very dismal, emotional week for me to find out that she is on my side. In fact, she and I are going to the War Room together next week to execute a plan of attack. She knows everyone in the program and thinks highly of me. This is a win, win, win and a half, and a win.

While we're in the War Room, I think I may also investigate plans to take over Finland or something...

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

amen

Lemons keep falling on my head, but I think I'm finally learning how to make lemonade again. This is thanks in large part to the loving support of family and friends, many of whom read this blog. I have been bombarded with emails and phone calls from many of you offering your shoulders. For this I thank you most sincerely.

I am pleased to report that I am handling the news of OSU well. Other things happened in the subsequent days to downplay the significance of the refusal. My best friend, The Nurse and her fiance SHLM came to visit me from D.C for the weekend. We ate. We laughed. We conquered C-bus. It was a great comfort to me to have The Nurse there, but more to see her so happy. The light in her eyes when SHLM looks at her is intoxicating.

Sunday through Monday night nearly killed me physically and emotionally as a couple of lemon trees landed soundly on my head. Staggering under the weight of the trees, I limped through the days with the persona of a zombie. Calls came in, calls went out. I felt little and what I did feel just hurt.

I've found myself on knees often, pleading and wailing with my Father in Heaven in search of answers to all that has unfolded. Answers were lost in transit as I hardened my heart against it all. I was hurt, but more than that, I was mad. I didn't want to feel the peace my Father was willing to offer because that meant I couldn't be mad anymore. And the anger made sense when nothing else did.

Late last night I got a call from my Liver, a dear friend of mine from days gone by. I cried. He listened. Then he spoke. My Liver talked to me about the wonders of the atonement and the necessity of affliction. As I listened, a wonderful thing happened. I began to feel. Peace soothed my soul and the anger dissipated. Then we shared in what has very quickly become one of my favorite activities: long-distance group prayer.

I've done this several times recently and am extremely grateful for it. Praying together with a friend, loved one, or family member miles away while on the phone together. These prayers have offered me great strength as I not only confer with my Father, but feel the strength of those I love and share in their humble pleas. I have learned more from these simple conferences than I can even begin to express.

With a heart softened and thoroughly beaten after praying with my Liver, I embarked on today. And get this...I laughed! I smiled. I served. Made a new friend. Fostered old friendships. Talked. Prayed. Painted. Lived.

The trucks have definitely left a deep scar, but I think the wounds will heal nicely. Plus, who doesn't love hearing a good scar story?

Thank you again to you all for your love, prayers, and continual support. It is thanks to you that I am on the mend.

Friday, March 19, 2010

I feel like I've been run over by a truck

Better yet, an entourage of trucks. And then they drove over me again just for kicks.

The past few months have been emotionally draining on me, to say the very least. But I was somehow able to pull it together, get my application turned in, and I felt good towards the world.

Then the last couple of weeks hit. Financial chaos. My dad loses his job. Dr. D began his surgery rotation. The Spirit yelled at me. I got massively ill for no good reason. And to top it all off, I came home today to a letter from the Ohio State University telling me....

I didn't get in.

No, this is not some sadistic joke. If it is, no one's told me the punch line yet. After dropping everything, packing up and moving, becoming a resident of Ohio, taking the GRE, and dealing with Buckeyes, I didn't get into the master's program at OSU.

Right now, I'm just at a loss. I'm completely confused, hurt, and dishevelled. My emotional arsenal is completely empty right now. Most of this week was spent in tears as it was, and now this. There are so many options still available to me, but none of them make sense at the moment.

Despite my lamentations over my move here, a constant consolation for me this evening has been the knowledge that I did the right thing. For some reason utterly unbeknownst to me, I am supposed to be living in Columbus, Ohio. So, here I'll stay. I am grateful for my faith, for the knowledge I have of a loving Father in Heaven. Luckily, He has a much better sense of what's going on than I do. I am also fortunate to know how much He loves me and how much faith He has in me.

How can I say this as I've just been rejected from graduate school?

Easy. Life was meant to be a test, to push us to our limits to teach us to reach our potential. Heavenly Father is throwing a torrent at me and I am near what I believe to be my breaking point. But He sees my potential and for some reason it requires these tests.

So, I'll cry. Lament the opportunity to go back to school this fall. And I'll pray. And I will continue to search out a way into school. The bridge might be out, but I have the tools and resources to make the repairs and cross the river. Faith. Family. Hope. Love.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

shhh...

I have very fond memories of going to the library as a child, especially during elementary school. We would get to go to the school library once a week and that time was next to sacred in my mind. If you think about it, it makes sense. Sacred places are usually filled with calm, peace, quiet, a place for meditation, learning, and growth.

That said, working at the library has tainted my euphoric memories a bit, mainly because..it's not as quiet as I remember. I swear there always used to be a librarian creeping up somewhere telling you to be quiet. Not so much anymore. Kids running all over the place. Meetings. Cell phones. Teenage drama. It all takes place in the library now. Who knew?

Sunday, March 14, 2010

buying affection

We had a service auction at church to raise money for humanitarian aid. While this was being advertised, we as a congregation were asked to consider and enlist whatever services we might be able to offer. I heard murmurings of tax preparation, car repair, home-cooked meals, mending, and all sorts of other things I really didn't feel comfortable with.

What sort of service could I offer?

Then, in a stroke of sure genius, it hit me. Hugs! I can auction off hugs!

For a few weeks now, I've been excited about this, knowing full well that some of my girlfriends would bid for my hugs. The night of the auction came. These same girlfriends I had in mind came to tell me that they were going to make bids on my hugs. I was so excited! The bidding started with some guffawing as unknowing individuals wondered who the weird girl was that would auction off hugs. But the bidding went on, and I was happy to know that someone I knew would be getting hugs.

I am pleased to report that my hugs went for $12 to a dear friend of mine who I am more than willing to give a hug to whenever they are in need.

I just feel mildly bad that they felt they had to buy the hugs. It was for charity though, right?

Thursday, March 11, 2010

springing into action

I'm wearing shorts! A week and a half ago, I was wearing my fuggs (a.k.a. faux Uggs), six scarves, and thick leather gloves to traipse through the feet of snow. But the snow is gone! Almost. Enough of it. The sun was out for a week SOLID. Need I remind you all that I live in the Midwest United States where the sun does all it can to never ever ever make an appearance before summer? A week of clear blue skies was a godsend.

Today it's warm, the humidity is building, and thunderstorms are mounting. You can just feel them coming. I love the rain almost more than I love sun after the winter. The sound of it falling on the roof, the scent of it as it approaches. Puddles. Mud. Mmm..good stuff!

Spring is here and I couldn't be more excited about it!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

properly designated

At the library the other night, I shelved a copy of New Moon of the Twilight series. What made me giggle is that this copy had a sticker on the binding setting it apart as a piece of horror literature. I couldn't agree more.

Thursday, March 04, 2010

lifestyles of the delusionally furballed

Day two at the OSU Urban Arts Space was a lot of fun for me, as it gave me the opportunity to work with my peers and lay some groundwork. I got a good feeling for the way the space operates and how I will contribute to it. I'm still not sure what sort of projects I'll be doing, but the experience is still invaluable.

Midday a woman came to give a class on crocheting bags of various designs out of plastic shopping bags. This got a couple of us talking about the charms, and lack thereof, of crocheting.

"Do you crochet?" a male peer asked me.

"No," I laughed. "It's too closely affiliated with turning into a cat lady in my mind." This resulted in sonorous laughter and the lot of us spent several minutes describing the sad and isolated lifestyle of cat ladies everywhere.

"Well," my male peer interjected between snickers, "I think being a cat lady would be a helluva lot better than being a soccer mom." He kept laughing, I smirked, then went silent.

How on earth could being a cat lady be better than being a soccer mom?

Life as Cat Lady:
  • lots of cats
  • selfish lifestyle
  • microwave dinners
  • no friends
  • lots of hairballs
  • overcrowded house to compensate for nothingness
  • hermitdom
  • total isolation
  • no social skills
No, thank you.

Life as Soccer Mom:
  • motherhood
  • love
  • service
  • friends
  • minivan
  • companionship
  • family
  • spouse
  • house overcrowded with laughter and homework
  • joy
  • interaction
  • giving
Aside from the minivan, I'll take the life of a soccer mom any day over being a cat lady. ANY day! I'll even consider the minivan in place of a Volvo station wagon. Yes, I'm an independent woman with dreams and ambitions. I love my involvement with the arts and absolutely refuse to forgo furthering my education. A career may or may not happen. Cats as pets may or may not happen even. But the idea of giving up the opportunity to give my life completely to the service of my children and husband is absolutely unfathomable to me.

Thus saith the moderate with conservative tendencies working in the arts.