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Saturday, January 30, 2010

battling demons

I took this picture yesterday. It was the first time driving liten bil since Tuesday night. First time with the new window in the car. First time seeing the parking lot where I thought piles of glass should still be. First time facing my fears. I took this picture with my new phone and it is now the background on it. I plan on keeping this around to remind me of how much I love the temple and that I can never affix feelings of fear with it. This is a place of peace, love, learning, happiness, and of find the strength to face demons. No fear.

Thursday, January 28, 2010


Due to aforementioned reasons, the past couple of days have been rather hard on me. Thanks to an abundance of phone calls, a lovely (and ever so helpful) visit from my dad, The Tall Guy, I was able to go to work today. Because of this, I have a funny story to share.

Backstory. I have always been a geek, and I've loved every minute of it. I was shy and quiet and not very sure of myself. It has only been in the past year or so that I've a) really started liking myself, and b) started thinking well of myself. This includes regarding myself as attractive. (I'm not begging for compliments here, people, I'm just tellin' it how it is.)

That said, when I got to work there were these two teenage girls here. Honestly, if I were sixteen, we'd probably be friends. A little quirky, bookish, but fun. They kept asking me for help with the locations of various odd books and I felt solidified in the idea that me and these girls were cosmically connected.

Included in their posse was this boy. Shaggy blond hair, fitted tan corduroy jacket, eccentric shoes. If I were in high school, this would be my Pedestal Crush. You know, the guy that you think is too cool for you but you worship from afar? That was most definitely him. I got a fiendish delight in such thoughts.

Then he came up to me to introduce himself. He gave me his name, mentioned that he was the girls' math tutor, wanted to know if I was single, etc, etc. I wanted to burst out laughing. This was my iconic Pedestal Crush and here he was, shuffling from foot to foot trying to muster up the guts to talk to me. I was supposed to be the awkward one, not the cute one that makes the situation apparently unbearable for the approaching party. I let him down gently, knowing what it felt like to be in his shoes, never thinking I'd ever be approached in such a way.

And then? Then I smiled like the high schooler I felt like inside. The cool guy thinks I'm cute! I'm pretty? I'm pretty! I'm the pretty librarian! This officially takes care of about six dreams I've always had for myself, all in one night. I freaking love working at the library!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I was robbed.

Quite the opener, right? Well, it's what happened. Sometime tonight during the two hours I was in the temple for an endowment session, the passenger window of liten bil was smashed into smithereens and the contents of my front seat and glove box removed. Ipod, brand new leather bag, journal, scriptures, planner, camera, all gone.

I felt sick. Couldn't breathe, didn't know what to do, what to say. Heaven bless my friend M who was working that night. She walked me back into the temple and helped set things in action. Then everyone working at the temple stepped in. I started breathing a bit more normallly.

Dr. D came and surveyed the car with me. (I haven't mentioned him before, and assured my mother today that he would not be gracing this blog. These are extenuating circumstances, Kitty, I'm sure you'll understand.) The moment that wonderful boy drove up, I felt better. He took my hand, calmly assured me that the window was easy to replace and made sure all was well before he let me go home. All this after I woke him up the night before a major exam. Personally, I think he's a keeper, but that could just be my overwhelming bias speaking. No. He's a keeper.

The most gut wrenching moment for me was thinking that my backpack had been stolen. Contained inside were my laptop and GRE study materials. Now, most of you would think that I'd most lament the laptop. WRONG! It needs to be replaced anyway. My devastation resided with the lost GRE materials, as I am taking the exam in exactly a week.

Tonight has been a night of tender mercies, however. I had my wallet with me in the temple through the session, meaning I had my cards with me and my temple recommend. My glasses were on my head. The journal lost had just been started yesterday, only setting me back one entry. Dr. D showed up and reminded me of how lucky I am to have him in my life. I was at the temple surrounded by amazingly wonderful people. And to top it off, I came home to find my backpack sitting on my bedroom floor. Every so often I do something intelligent, like remember to take my backpack out of my car.

So, I have no ipod, no music, no phone, no planner, no gorgeous bag that I just bought last week, or a front window. But I have an incredibly supportive boy in my life, a temple recommend, fantastic parents, and GRE study materials. This alone proves to me that there is a God and that He loves me.

Let's recap, shall we?

Satan: 0 Engquist: 1!!!

Boo. Yah.

studying for the GRE? hah!

Question: What is the distance formula?

Answer: d=engquist(coke+number of McDonald's within five miles)-need of caffeine

Question: What are the properties of a 30-60-90 triangle?

Answer: Oooo! Fun shapes! My notes would make a really great art piece!

Question: Use "metamorphosis" in a sentence.

Answer: In Star Wars, Anakin Skywalker undergoes a metamorphosis into Darth Vader.*

Question: How do you calculate percent increases and percent decreases?

Answer: Wait, does this involve fractions? Crap! I'm screwed...

Pray for me. The GRE is on Tuesday morning.

*This answer was actually not of my doing. It is to the merit of my study flashcards. If only they could have been so funny and useful with all the words, not just the ones I actually know..

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

you're all heartless.

I think I've discussed my overactive ovaries before. In fact, I'm positive I have. Like this time. Well, they've been bad again...really bad. There are too many darling toddlers waddling around the children's section of the library every day to do me any good. (Think five year-old Indian girl, big almond eyes, looking for books on the Tooth Fairy because she just lost two teeths. Yes, teeths.)

My gallivanting in the library aside, I have a bone to pick with you, my dear friends. Yes, you. You know who are.

There are at least six of you out there right now pregnant. Rude. Rude, I say! Do you not know how happy this makes me and how desperately it makes me want to procreate?!

You just can't keep producing darling surrogate nieces and nephews for me to love and coddle and expect me to stay sane. I love you all, and couldn't be more delighted with the additions to the family, but you're heartless. My ovaries just needed you to know that.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010


The past couple of days, my mood has left much to be desired. Looking back on my most recent posts, I can see this attitude reflected in my writing. So it is that I have decided to devote today to gratitude. I hereby offer a healthy list of things that I am grateful for, especially lately...

phone calls
kindred spirits
adoptive siblings
becoming an "aunt" again
loving parents
random free half hours
flamingo pink paint
tackled to-do lists
drains that drain
vacuumed car interiors
the temple
a keen mind
new friends
navy blue
Sweet Disposition
library cards
the tooth fairy
Indian children
pseudo road trips
the sun
wood nymphs
registering for the GRE
good health
learning about myself
learning about others
early mornings
drives along the river
understanding friends

Friday, January 15, 2010

definitely not a PC, maybe I could be a mac

I like people. That said...

This woman comes up to me in the library this afternoon as I was shelving books.

"Where is the Black History section?" she asks me.

"You know, I just started a few days ago, and I'm not entirely sure. If you go up to the Information Desk, I'm sure someone will be able to direct you."

"Do you not have a section for Black History? Does the library not recognize it?"

This is where I got peeved. I wanted to drop my poised library-employee persona and just say, No, the library doesn't recognize Black History just like it doesn't recognize Swedish-American History. I've been pissed about it for years, excuse me as I go file a lawsuit. AND I'm a racist. Happy?! Good.

Instead, I replied, "The library does designate African American books with stickers on the binding. I'm just not sure where the specific history section is located. I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help."

Thursday, January 14, 2010

because this is the kind of stuff I've thinking about lately

At my retail job, this week we were in the middle of changing our store set. Meaning? Everything got changed. New product, furniture arrangement, wall colors, etc., etc. This meant that I've been working more than usual and at holiday-esque hours.

So it was that yesterday I found myself driving to work at o-dark-thirty, when a miracle happened. The sun ROSE. For those of you familiar at all with winters in the Midwest, you might understand that this is in fact a miraculous event. Winter typically means no sun until March, yet here it was, cresting over the horizon in front of me. Not just that, it was a glorious sunrise. Final traces of clouds stretched across the sky, catching the pink and amber hues as they emerged from the darkness of night. It was amazing, and I felt more than fine with having to be at a mall three hours before it even opened.

Amazingly, this peaceful resolution to my early-morning angst isn't even the point of the post. The point is far more ridiculous than even that. You see, because yesterday morning reminded me of how amazing sunrises really are, I've made a mental boycott of films and stories that end with the protagonists riding off into the sunset. What kind of crap symbolism is that? "And they rode merrily off into the end." That's it. The end. I don't like it.

See, most of these "endings" are really beginnings. New adventures, new relationships, new segments in life journeys. It is thereby my wholly biased opinion that all, and I do mean ALL, of these moments should symbolically take place with the protagonists riding off into the the sunRISE, the epic new beginning that happens every day. Doesn't that seem more fitting? Well, I think it is.

Monday, January 11, 2010

reason number 472 why I can't bring myself to cheer for OSU

Scene: Ohio State versus Bowling Green hockey game at the Schottenstein Center in Columbus, Ohio. By the middle of the second period, the score stands three to two, OSU in the lead. The game is getting more heated, tension is building. One lowly Michigan fan sits in the stands considering whether she she should cheer for OSU or not, since Bowling Green really doesn't matter, when...

Announcer: One minute left in the second period-
Entire crowd (sans one lowly Michigan fan): AND MICHIGAN STILL SUCKS!!

I rest my case.

Sunday, January 03, 2010

duck out of water

On Friday, 2 January 2010, the Rose Bowl was held in Pasadena, California. The teams competing? University of Oregon and The Ohio State University.

Now, as we all know, I have issues with Ohio State. So it was a fortunate happenstance that they were playing a team I've been rooting for for years. A team that was favored to win by three points.

So it was that I went to a party hosted by some friends here in Columbus to watch the game. I was decked out in green and yellow. Everyone else was in red..lots of red. Blech... The overall effect was something like this.

Except for by the end of the game, I was the blue ball crying in a corner surrounded by at least a dozen happy, smiling, yellow balls. I'm now considering going to therapy for the off-chance that I am somehow a good luck charm for OSU. Let's face it, I move to Columbus and they win their first BCS bowl game in how long? This can't be good news for me.