There! I said it! I need help.
It's taken me the better part of a month to say that, but it's finally coming out. I need help. I've been needing help for weeks now. Individuals have offered their aid, but I flat out have not known what my needs are. In between crying fits and just trying to survive emotionally, it didn't seem like anyone could really be of assistance. That, and I have no clue how to ask for help. Needing the aid of others has always seemed such a selfish desire when there are so many others who are in more dire situations than myself.
But I'm drowning. The SSS Engquist is taking on water and sinking fast with no land in sight. So it is that I'm sending out this distress signal before I'm really in over my head.
Emotionally, much of what is going on still needs to be sorted through on my own and on my knees. But, I have compiled a list of things that I am in need of now that I know for certain I cannot attend to on my own.
- Employment- I'm needing to find a more substantial, stable job. Though I am currently employed, I am barely surviving on what I am bringing in and it is causing me constant stress. It would be great to find something with a more consistent schedule to free up some much needed time to be social. My contacts in Columbus are still fairly limited, however, and I'm not even sure where to begin looking.
- Information on freelance writing- Under the suggestion of many over the past few years in particular, I'm wanting to begin writing professionally but have no clue how to do so.
- Maintain current body weight- Basically, shove food down my throat. I'm not eating enough for any number of reasons and it's resulting in me losing too much weight. I'm not proud of this...at all. But really, shove food down my throat.
- Access to a computer with the Microsoft Office Suite- Long story, but my computer does not have this, which is problematic when I try to revamp my resume and other documents in preparation for applying to graduate school...again.
- Social life- PLEASE ask me to do things! My schedule has been such that I have no idea what is going on anywhere anymore. Walks, movies, group outings, just let me know that they're happening. That said..
- Patience- Be patient with me. Keep asking me to do things. Call me. Harass me. I'm going to say "No" multiple times, I can guarantee it. It's not for want of social interaction, but because I am desperately fighting the desire to give into a reclusive lifestyle.